Please pick only one post type!
http://cooljaku.tumblr.com/post/90535115285/jeanpaulfarte-in-stories-featuring-aliens ▷

jeanpaulfarte:

in stories featuring aliens, they’re always like “on my planet this never happens!” or “in my culture, this differs from your human culture.” and that’s neat and all because i like worldbuilding and all that jazz but wouldn’t it be fun if they just. couldn’t do that?

i want…

nico-di-angelcake:

making up your own fictional universe

creating an entire history for it

creating characters who have complex back stories

RESEARCHING NAMES WITH MEANINGS THAT CORRESPOND TO THE HISTORY AND UNIVERSE AND BACK STORIES YOU’VE COME UP WITH

then never writing or doing anything with it at all ever

kaylaune:

Got em like

metaldrumr4ever:

thorxndor:

I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay

and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet

so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”

and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me  

But it was worth it

distraction:

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

SHITTTTT

apollojustlce:

hanging out with your best friend more like

image

I’ve talked a lot about how I want to get my first tattoo for Christmas but I also want to be able to donate blood in spring semester to get my red cord and after you get a tattoo you can’t donate for 6 months and by then it’ll be too late so if I haven’t donated twice before Christmas I’ll just have to settle with dying my hair instead since I’ll only be able to afford one of those options anyway

"How weird it is to think I used to not know of your existence. I somehow lived my life without ever knowing you were a person. Once we met though, god I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since. It’s hard to imagine I used to be able to live my life without you consuming my head with thoughts."
- kmr (disastrous-heartache) -

my-name-is-long:

tastefullyoffensive:

"We bought alien balloons…" [nomad5]

I laughed a little too hard